


How I made your mother

by DigiConjurer



Series: The unsorted adventures of Princess Byleth and the Black Eagles [58]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Baking, Body Horror, Cinder Shadows compliant, Kinda, Other, Parent/Child Incest, Rhea's grade A parenting skills, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, bodies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25445740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigiConjurer/pseuds/DigiConjurer
Summary: Rhea bakes a ca- I mean body. I promise you that makes more sense than it really should.
Relationships: Sitri Eisner | Byleth's Mother/Rhea
Series: The unsorted adventures of Princess Byleth and the Black Eagles [58]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1463725
Kudos: 3





	How I made your mother

I don't own Fire Emblem.

* * *

A truck slowly backs up. The destination? A factory. The secret kind, probably located not that far from Gareg Mach. Wouldn’t it be funny if it turned out to be near that place that Linhardt and Caspar’s moms wreaked havoc on. No? Yeah, I can see it to be too much of a coincidence on that front. But consider the dramatic irony on display here. Oh well.

A person exits the truck, heading around to the back. Pulling up the garage style door, a large square of plastic is pulled on out. Tan colored, it’s purpose not quite known. Even if we did somehow know, I highly doubt we would actually like it. At all.

The door to the factory opens up, revealing machinery. Looks to be used to make those stupid novelty shit. Cups, bracelets, even sets of monopoly. Who the fuck needs a specialized set of monopoly? No one ever wants to play it. Not even Sakura, who’s generally up to any game that you put in front of her, doesn’t want to play it. She’ll even play Trouble and Mouse Trap of all games. I can’t think of anyone else who would actually want to go through the trouble of setting that stuff up to just play one game. Not even someone like Sestuna. She probably be the worst for something like that. But that’s beyond the point.

“I see you have everything.” a voice announced, a woman with dark green hair entering stage left. Or would that be factory left? Doesn’t really matter in this situation. “Thank you for making such a late night delivery.”

The man nodded, already heading back to the driver side door of the vehicle. I would think you would want to at least close the back before rolling off. Just in case something goes wro-

The woman raised her hand up, stone in hand. Flinging it at the driver, the result was a flaming corpse. Guess I spoke too soon on that front.

Grabbing hold of the plastic, she made quick time to close the door behind her. Once this mystery lady is certain she’s not being watched or I guess narrated over, her attention turns to the machines.

“My little Sitri, you have great things in this world.” the woman whispered and loaded the plastic into the machinery. Been some time since she needed to do this. Hopefully, this would be the attempt that would bring the outcome she oh so desired. Just as likely to be another failure on her part.

Not that this fact was actually going to stop her from just going over to the machine controls and turning this strange device on. Coming to life, the machine gracefully accepted the plastic on offer. Scanning the product for any defects, what looks to be a little heat is applied to the cube. Probably to help with whatever this woman’s use was.

The plastic continued onwards to a sliver of all machines. Cutting the cube in half lengthwise, the pieces heading off on their own conveyor belts. The rectangle on the left found itself treated to a massive oven. What had once been rigid and unchanging quickly became flexible and malleable. The rectangle on the right wasn't as lucky on that front. No, that piece of plastic found itself treated to more slicers. Unlike the first slicer, this one cut the rectangle in thirds of all measurements. After all of that, then it's their turn in the oven. Which is clearly favoritism, if you ask me.

Eventually, both conveyor belts converge at a table of all places. The woman is already there, tapping her fingers impatiently. What looks to be molds await filling. You have one shaped like a head, a female torso and two sets of arms and legs with their respective appendages. Fuck. Please tell me you're not about to do what I think you're about to do. If you are, I sincerely hope that someone will kick your a-

Why is what she's about to do a problem? Mozu, what I'm about to tell you is something that can't leave this house. Is that clear?

My wife nodded. Here goes. Long before I met you and joined Corrin's army, I tried to create an army of humanoids from clay. Far more advanced than the faceless employed by Nohr, they were to be my main army to take over the continent. On paper, this was foolproof. In practice, the golems were my undoing. Even with my dark magic, life does not like things that wish to cheat the natural order to truly be sentient. Yes, that is how I ended up in this stupid loli body. It's very much a loli body. Given the choice, I would love to look like a proper adult. But that doesn't matter right now, the woman is already in the process of forcing the plastic into these molds. This does make me very jealous (on top of anger). When I did this, I had to make all my humanoids by hand from clay. That consistency alone is bad enough, especially with how much that woman is in control of this process. Beyond the point.

“Let Sothis live once more.” the woman whispered and put a blob of putty into the torso mold. Wait. That’s a heart. An actual human heart. Or at least, a humanoid heart. What an interesting deviation on display here. I really hope this doesn’t work. What? How the heck is she doing something worse than me? Yes, my goals were for evil. It’s quite likely that this woman has just as awful goals for this golem. You don’t put a person’s heart in there for no particular reason. That’s the kind of thing bad people do.

Nonetheless, the woman got to putting the now assembled parts into an entirely different oven. Pacing about for a couple minutes, she really needs to give it a break. It’ll be ready when it’s ready. Sort of like cookies and a certain someone eating the cookie dough. What? You really thought I didn’t notice? I very much did. It’s alright, for the record. I just prefer you to ask before taking a scoop or two for yourself. Fair?

“Mother, please return to me…” the woman announced as she stared into the oven, the pieces beginning to move. This is definitely a different form of necromancy than I’m used too seeing. This could go any number of ways.

"Mother? My name is Sitri." a voice echoed out as hands began banging against the oven. But the woman waited. There was still a chance. Her mother had to be in there. This was meant to be the one experiment that succeeded. Reality is a harsh mistress. "Please, let me out!"

That was the woman's cue to pull the doors of the oven open. Reaching in without any protection, out comes the body of a woman. Now, I kind of hate her more. Of course her 'experiment' works flawlessly. Whereas mine blew up in my face in front of the whole world. I'm allowed to be jealous about this.

"Such a failure." the woman muttered and looked over the body of her creation. While this wasn't the result she had hoped to achieve, there was some use to this. Maybe, some good could be carved out of this mess. "But I might have a use for you, Sitri."

.

Byleth’s eyes shot open. Her head felt as if someone had taken a sledgehammer to it, her body still limp from that tumble she had just taken. But instead of finding herself on the ground outside of Manuela’s apartment, she was now back in her own home. Odder still, her princess dress was now adorning her body.

“Sothis?” she called out, carefully standing up at the moment. That didn’t last long, gravity taking hold mere seconds later. Falling to the floor, now is the time that Sothis decides to enter the room.

“Hubert wants to talk to you for some reason.” the child remarked, Byleth already pulling herself up. That still doesn’t explain how the fuck she had gotten into her princess outfit. Definitely no Dorothea (future cannot contradict the past or some junk), but that’s still quite a development to think of.

“Did you put me in this outfit?” Byleth continued, Sothis shaking her head. Then it’s right back to playing her game. Good to see you’re really productive in the last couple parts of not seeing you or something.

Standing back up, Byleth made her way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. But not before grabbing the sword of the creator. Just in case words weren’t enough for this situation.

“Hubert!” the professor announced and pulled her blade back in anticipation of the dark mage. But when he didn’t come, she reluctantly headed for the kitchen. There we find Hubert, sitting comfortably in a chair. Of course, he’s already munching down on her cereal.

“So we’re investigating a kidnapping. Good to know.” the dark mage announced and got a look from his professor. “I needed a moment away from Ferdinand… and wanted to tell you a story.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually fun to write. Even if the title is a groan-worthy pun. I'm not sorry about that, by the way.
> 
> Next up, Hubert's backstory. With a title fitting of it.


End file.
